Lessons

I always believed  a picture is worth a thousand words. Until, I saw FB summarising what 2014 was like for me. Maybe, I  shouldn’t be so hard on our favourite platform. I am after all a seasoned deceiver.
These days only the written word seems to be worthy of my honesty. The ambiguity of it comforts me…Each word, even a punctuation seems like an affirmation-‘I Am’. An exercise sometimes, in futility and always for posterity. My memory after all perpetually fails me.
Here go my thoughts, taking a detour, yet again! Where was I? Oh yes! summarising the year of the meltdown -2014.
The good thing is-  at 16, I locked my self up and refused to come out of my room. Ever since, I have been terribly afraid of the recurrence of such an episode of hopelessness. Escapism has helped me many a times. But like my Dad asks, “How much can you run?” So this year I stopped running. I stopped running to places, into my work, into mobs, towards men. I stopped and I cried and I struggled with my own mind, every single day. Fought my inner demeons. It seems I will have to fight them for a while.
I wish I  could very poetically say ‘I have emerged a stronger person.’  I don’t feel stronger, I  feel exhausted. But I now know that if I ever breakdown again, I will handle it. I can handle it on my own!
Though, I will always remember this year as one of the worst year’s of my life. I will also remember it as the year I became less afraid of myself. The year I started appreciating my flaws-my ego and my stubbornness; my aversion to other women’s men. The year, I started accepting I will never be a people pleaser. The year, I understood that people who claim to be honest are not liars they are just silly.
I will remember this year, as the year I stopped believing in Frogs and Princes. The year I realised no one is coming to rescue me. When I realised I don’t like things that become too common. The year I became kinder to my own kind. The year I became absolutely certain that a Supreme Energy watches over me.
I will always remember 2014, as the year I changed and became my own hero!

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