Each year brings with it, it’s own set of trials and tribulations but since the sharp storm passed last year, the sun shines bright and sweet. It’s been a rather uneventful year, Thank The Lord, something my former self would have dreaded- filled with laughter, routine, stability and all things regular!
I’ve always been a bit predictable; wipe the silly grin off your face because it’s true! There’s a certain kind of predictability about a person who says to trouble, “Here I come!”… someone who goes around sticking out her tiny middle finger at society’s rules . A rebel without a cause, I will always be! Though, I’m a little bored by the monotony of being one.
I won’t remember 2015 as the year I calmed down or changed but as the year of many firsts. I warn you that the lines to follow aren’t about some great adventures…they aren’t about striking off things from my bucket list nor about finding love…they are just ramblings of a grateful person, happy to have survived her own demons.
. For the first time in my life I’ve had more peaceful days than tumultuous ones. It’s safe to say I’m actually happy. Nothings changed extrinsically but the psyching out bit that I’ve fed myself is paying off. Incase you’re feeling blue you can tell yourself this (worked wonders for me)- ”Tomorrow is going to be worse than today…Mummy, Papa will die. You will be standing there cremating them, then someday you will die too, having done nothing and left nothing! Your birth and death are going to be absolutely inconsequential.” Trust me one crazy to another, if you feed yourself crap like,”tomorrow is a better day”, it ain’t going to make you feel better. Scare the shit out of yourself and then watch yourself behave, well. Cross my heart and hope to die.
. For the first time in the longest time, I’ve been surprised by someone’s generosity. People have done some extraordinary things for me but no one has ever vandalised public property to fulfill my wish (I apologise to all the citizens of this country. F.Y.I it will fade away in a month). A friend thought it would be nice to mark my spot while I was still alive so he decided to do the deed one night and send me pictures at half three in the morning. It’s one of the sweetest messages I’ve woken up to.
. Time or maybe it’s just age are mitigating the Daddy issues. Though, it will take forever to sort those out, I’m pleased that the healing has begun. Maybe, now I’ll be a good girl who likes the bad boys rather than the bad girl who likes the good, funny, quiet yet sarcastic ones akin my Father.
. For the first time in my life, I’ve been terrified by Death. Though, Death and I have come to an understanding after many negotiations, my stint in Nepal most definitely scared the living daylights out of me. I never want to see so many people in so much pain and that’s not the way I want to go!
. And of course the not dating bit. It’s so unlike me that everyone I know is convinced I’m hiding something. It’ s hilarious. All I can do right now is talk and I’m open to talking.
2015 was a peaceful year, hope the coming year is too. God Willing!